Rethinking What We Take for Granted

The COVID-19 pandemic abruptly halted the simplest routines of daily life—holding hands, sharing meals, talking over a cup of coffee. Once our ordinary days came to a stop, the things we had taken for granted no longer felt guaranteed. The sudden outbreak brought much loss, but it also left us with an important lesson: The moments we once considered “normal” were never promised in the first place.

The idea of “the obvious” appears in many forms—from scientific laws to social norms to personal convictions: “Of course there is life on Earth”; “Naturally, every living being dies”; “Parents are expected to sacrifice for their children”; “We should always wash our hands before eating.” Yet can we truly claim that any of these things are absolute?

What seems certain today may become impossible tomorrow. What feels ordinary on Earth may be a miracle on another planet. What I take for granted may not be true for someone else. When we treat familiar customs or long-held beliefs as unquestionable simply because they are widely accepted, we risk misunderstanding the world and ourselves.

The Beginning of Unhappiness: The Tyranny of ‘Shoulds’

“Should thinking,” or the tendency to insist that something must be a certain way without any real basis, marks the starting point of much unhappiness. Although human beings are fundamentally imperfect, we often hold rigid, irrational beliefs about ourselves, about others, and about the world—beliefs that claim, “It must be this way,” or “Things should always turn out like that.” Without clear evidence, we follow stereotypes or familiar patterns simply because they feel psychologically comforting, and we mistake that comfort for correctness.

Of course, the laws and rules that sustain social order must be followed. However, unhappiness begins when we turn even our personal wishes and hopes into rigid rules that must be fulfilled. When those expectations are not met, we become overwhelmed by negative emotions, relationships begin to suffer, and our overall satisfaction with life declines.

Self-imposed “shoulds”—such as “I must be recognized by others” or “I must never make mistakes”—create anxiety and depression and weaken self-esteem. Even when we achieve a goal at work or receive good grades at school, we cannot fully enjoy the happiness of success because we dismiss it as merely what was supposed to happen. When this “should thinking” is directed toward others, it takes the form of assumptions such as “They should treat me well,” or “If someone is a parent, child, or spouse, they should naturally behave in a certain way.” Such beliefs demand sacrifice and devotion from others as if they were obligations. Even when the other person meets these expectations, we fail to feel grateful because we regard their actions as nothing more than what they are supposed to do. When this attitude persists, conflict becomes inevitable.

When directed toward the world, this mindset becomes the belief that “life should work the way I want it to.” When misfortune or illness strikes—things that could happen to anyone—we find ourselves asking, “Why me?” This reaction comes from a subconscious assumption that “nothing bad should ever happen to me.” In the end, people caught in this pattern of “should thinking” become insensitive to positive experiences and respond with anger and resentment whenever life turns out differently from what they expected.

What Is Taken for Granted Differs for Everyone

Let’s say a husband and wife agree to divide their household chores: she will clean, and he will wash the dishes. After finishing her cleaning, she enters the kitchen and finds water splashed around the sink and oil stains on the stove. She scolds him, and he feels unfairly blamed. To him, “doing the dishes” simply meant washing the plates. To her, it also included wiping down the counters and the stove.

Just as the couple had different ideas of what “doing the dishes” meant, people’s sense of what can be taken for granted also differs. Sometimes those assumptions overlap; sometimes they do not. This happens because of egocentrism—the tendency to assume that what seems obvious to me must be obvious to others. We treat our own thoughts and judgments as universally valid, applying our personal standards to those around us. Many conflicts arise when one person assumes something is a given while the other does not.

The more things we treat as given, the easier it becomes to feel frustrated. When others fail to do what we expected, ask a question we consider too simple, or decline a request we thought was obvious, irritation follows quickly. Some even justify their anger by appealing to their own sense of what should be taken for granted.

The key is recognizing when we are judging others through the lens of our own assumptions. Often, the real issue is not the other person’s actions but the frame of reference we have created. For something to be truly shared, there must be communication and agreement. When one side insists, “At the very least,” or “It’s common sense,” opportunities for compromise disappear. Instead, we need to approach differences with openness and flexibility—not forcing others into our frame, but striving to understand theirs.

Happiness Begins When You Stop Taking Things for Granted

The philosopher William James noted that none of our beliefs can be regarded as universally, absolutely, or permanently right or wrong. The personal rules we set for ourselves may offer a sense of stability, but they inevitably shift with our circumstances, situations, and moods. Others are under no obligation to agree with the imperfect assumptions we ourselves take for granted.

When you have an expectation, it is far better to express it as a hope rather than a demand. Instead of saying, “You should do the dishes this way,” try, “I’d appreciate it if you could do the dishes like this.” Instead of insisting, “I worked hard, so the results must be good,” you might say, “I hope my hard work pays off.” Expressing hopes instead of issuing demands makes positive outcomes feel even more rewarding. Shifting from “It has to be this way” to “It could be different, and that’s okay” eases our need for certainty and softens the disappointment or anger we feel when things do not go as planned.

Human beings are creatures of habit. What repeats becomes familiar. What is familiar soon feels routine. And what feels routine, we begin to take for granted. Over time, repeated kindness can even start to feel like entitlement. Gratitude is its antidote. Gratitude is not reserved only for special blessings—it is also an everyday awareness. Even the most ordinary routines hold reasons to give thanks, if only we stop assuming they are guaranteed. When we catch ourselves thinking, “There’s nothing to be grateful for,” it may be a sign that we have already begun taking life for granted.

In unhappy homes, family members treat one another’s efforts as givens. In happy homes, gratitude is discovered even in the simplest routines, and words of thanks are freely spoken. Expressing gratitude deepens relationships and fills hearts with joy. In such families, even a humble meal shared together overflows with warmth and happiness.



Nothing in this world is guaranteed. Every peace we enjoy rests on someone’s effort or sacrifice. The home we live in exists because someone built it and made it possible for us to live there. The food on our table exists because someone grew it, transported it, and prepared it. The love and support we receive from family, friends, and coworkers are not things we are owed—they are gifts.

We rarely question what has always been there or what feels familiar. Yet asking ourselves, “Is this really something to be taken for granted?” can break through our assumptions and reshape the way we see the world. Newton discovered the law of gravity precisely because he did not assume it was natural for apples to fall to the ground. Recognizing that nothing is guaranteed is completely different from simply accepting things as given. And when we truly understand that nothing in life is guaranteed, we begin to cherish every day—and every person—all the more.