The Wisdom of 90 Seconds

People often compare emotions to waves. Just as we can be swept away by waves in the vast ocean if we don’t actively steer ourselves, we too can be overtaken by emotions when our minds lose their sense of direction. But no matter how strong a wave may be, it eventually fades—and the same is true for surging emotions.

For example, when the brain encounters a negative stimulus, it activates the sympathetic nervous system and releases stress hormones. This leads to physical responses like a racing heartbeat, a trembling voice, or a flushed face. But here’s the key: the chemical effects of those stress hormones last only about 90 seconds. After that, they’re flushed out of the bloodstream, and the body gradually returns to a calmer state.

Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor puts it this way: “If, however, you remain angry after those 90 seconds have passed, then it is because you have chosen to let that circuit continue to run.” In other words, any emotion that lingers beyond that point is something we choose to hold on to.

When we’re swept up in negative emotions like anger, it can damage not only our own happiness but also our relationships. Instead of letting your heart be tossed around by every passing wave, try practicing the wisdom of the 90-second rule. Pause. Breathe. Let the wave pass. And soon, you may find yourself calmly drifting once again on the peaceful sea of your own mind.